Silence Speaks A Thousand Words
by Saori Miyuki
Summary: Heero's choice for his lover's happiness. AU. Death fic (or not - depend on what ending you read...). Language.
1. The Conversation

Author note: first time writer, not first fic I wrote but the sixth one up. Anyway, animation's not mine, characters' not mine, the song's not mine; I'm poor, so don't sue me… …anything I forgot to mention? Ahh… the story! It's **MINE**!

Another conversional fic, AU, and completely OOC (yet again)… I have NO idea where this one comes from… I guess my plot bunnies just fell in love with tennis, or badminton, or something alike… Weird bunnies… Anyway, enjoy the tennis match… err… I mean, the story. Yea, the story. Happy reading! v

Lyrics: 'Silence Speaks (A Thousand Words)' by Debbie Gibson

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AC 200

Preventers' HQ

"Barton."

"Chang."

"I'm glad you make it today."

"Aa. What's wrong?"

"Yuy doesn't look good these days. Sally and I almost have to force-feed him on daily basis. Not that he didn't try to evade us. But he was too exhausted to outrun the lot of us."

"'The lot of us'?"

"Merquise, Noin, Une, Sally and I. Most of the time it is just Sally and I, since Sally is the residential doctor, and I am his mission partner. But when the others aren't out on missions and training, they help to chase him down."

"Aa. Did he say anything?"

"…No. I have tried to coax him into talking, but you know how difficult he can be if he doesn't want to talk at all. I dare not push any harder than I had; I don't want to risk alienating him so much so he will request a change of partner."

"Aa. What did Duo have to say about this?"

"……"

"Chang?"

"…Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing. It has been awhile now. I've tried numerous times, but I couldn't get in touch with Maxwell. I asked Yuy. He said he was having a business trip to the colony. I called Maxwell's secretary. She told me to leave a message. I called his mobile unit and sent him emails, but no replies whatsoever. I'm running out of ideas and options. So I call you."

"Aa."

"Barton, I am hoping that maybe you can get Yuy to open up. Only God knows how… but so far, you, and Maxwell, are the only ones I'm aware of that manage to get Yuy talking. Even when he doesn't feel like saying anything."

"Aa. So where is he now?"

"In the cafeteria, I presume. I have Sally and Noin take him there and sit on him until he starts eating…"

"Aa. Did you call Quatre about it?"

"Aa, but do you know how hard it is, trying to get through all the receptionists and secretaries? I've been calling him at least 5 times the past three days, but I couldn't get through to him."

"Aa. Use this number and call him again. Tell him to get into contact with Duo, or at least find out where he has been and how to maintain contact. Now, should we go and see what the Perfect Soldier's up to?"

"Aa."

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"Heero."

"Trowa."

"How have you been?"

"Fine."

"……"

"…Honto ni, Trowa. I'm fine."

"…You looked way too thin."

"I am?"

"Heero…"

"…maybe I am. Thought I needed more exercises too… but Wufei wouldn't spar with me, and he has actively barred anyone from doing it. The last person who has indulged me is still in the hospital recovering."

"…Aa."

"…I'm alright, Trowa. I really am. I looked thinner probably because I lost some of the hard-packed muscles. Nothing else…"

"……"

"Trowa, I…"

"…Heero, I'm not questioning you, so why are you so nervous? Are you hiding something?"

"NO! I mean, no. No, I'm not hiding anything. I'm fine, really. I just…I…"

"Hush… Relax, and take a deep breathe. It's alright, Heero. You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. I'm _not_ interrogating you, okay? Your shoulders feel way too tense to me. Come here… Sit down and let me massage your shoulders… Come on… good boy."

"…I'm not a puppy…"

"I never said you are."

"…then, what with the 'good boy' comment?..."

"Hey, you are a boy and being a good one at that. What do you want me to say?"

"…Trowa no baka…"

"…Aa."

"……"

"……"

"……"

"…How's Duo?"

"……Fine."

"It has been quite some time since I last saw him. What's he up to now?"

"Busy with his company, I think… He is having a business conference at one of the colonies."

"…Which one is it? Quatre is out on one of his meetings too. Maybe we can grab Wufei and see if we can get those two to one of the resort colonies once they are done, before coming back to earth. What do you think?"

"……"

"Heero?"

"I…I'm not too sure. He has been jumping around the colonies a lot lately, I kinda lose track of him…"

"…oh."

"……we are _alright_, Trowa, in case you wonder… He's just _very_ busy right now. His company is just starting… and you know how much of a dog fight it is, trying to stay afloat in the colonies' business world. Even with Quatre's help, he still has a lot to do, just to make it works…"

"What about you?"

"…What about me?"

"His business _may_ need attention, but _you_ need his attention too. Have you two contact each other _lately_?"

"……"

"Heero?"

"…he called a few days ago. Told me he slept the rest of the time he wasn't having any meetings, he was completely wipe out, and he said he missed me too…"

"…did he say when he will be back?"

"……he said he'll be back ASAP, but he didn't specify a time."

"Heero…"

"…I'm alright, Trowa, honto ni. I'm _alright_. _We_ are _alright_. …He just needs some time to pursue his dream, and he would be back once everything is up and running… I have my 'mission', too. Protecting Peace is one hell of a job… I can do a better job with him occupied somewhere else. You know how he gets jealous of my missions and all… This way, by the time he's done with all the setting up, I'll have more time on hand to spare, and we will be much happier with each other, without all those duties and obligations… isn't that perfect?"

"…what about _now_, Heero? Are you happy _now_?"

"What are you talking about? Of course I'm happy. We won the war; Duo and I are alive and together; I don't have to kill anymore. Of course I'm _happ_…"

"Then _where_ did you get those big bags under your eyes? _Why_ did you get so skinny? And _where_ the hell is Duo anyway? You said you're together, but I _hardly ever_ saw him _anywhere_ around you some time _before_ he started his company. Wufei can't _even_ get into contact with him! What The _Hell_ Is Going On, Heero?"

"_NOTHING_! _Nothing_ is wrong with _us_. Duo just _needs_ time to jumpstart his company. It's not that _big_ a deal – we have been _apart_ a hell lot _longer_ than this during the war. What's your point?"

"…The _point_, Heero, being that Duo should be _somewhere_ close to you. I'm _not_ saying you two should be joined at the hip or anything like that. But how _long_ has it been since you last saw each other? How _long_ has he gone on that conference?"

"…it's just a few months… We have been separated _longer_ during the war…"

"But _now_ is _not_ the war, is it? Don't tell me you _don't_ have the money to spare – the doctors have left more than enough for us to do anything we want, even if we decide we don't want to do anything but sit back and relax for the rest of our life. And I know for a fact that J and G were more generous than the others. You could have met each other at least on monthly basis, maybe even weekly basis if you don't have any missions. Why _didn't_ you?"

"……"

"…Heero, we are _worried_ about you. I want to help, but I need you to talk to me. So I'll have some ideas about where to start. Please, _talk_ to me?"

"…there's _nothing_ to talk about… _We_ are alright… _I_ am alright… _Everything_ is just fine… What _more_ do you want me to say?"

"Heero…"

"_Honto ni_, Trowa… Everything _will be _just fine, don't worry about it, ne? …I _need_ to go now – I still have some paperwork needed to be done… Matta ne…"

"Heero…"

"See you, Trowa."

"Heero………_damnit_!"

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Everything _will_ be fine, ne?

Soon… _everything_ will be _just fine_…

tbc


	2. The Letter

Check part one… too sleepy to repeat… ;p

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"Hee-chan? Yoohoo, Hee-chan, I'm home!"

_(Music playing in the background at the house)_

……_When I asked you_

_You said nothing was wrong_

_But I listened to_

_Your magical song_

_All these notes were gone_

_You sang it I heard_

_Silence Speaks (A Thousand Words)_……

"Hmm… in _that_ mood again, I see. Heh… guess my Hee-chan gets lonely without me, ne?"

……_You keep telling me_

'_I'll pay the price'_

_For asking you once_

_And telling you twice_

_But I paid the day_

_Your emotions turned cold_

_Silence Speaks (A Thousand Words)_……

"Oi, Heero? I'm back! Where are you?"

……_Where do I turn_

_When you turn away_

_It's never just the things you say_

_You never ever put me down_

_But when I speak _

_You turn around _

_And saying not much_

_Is saying a lot_……

"Hmm… where did he go? He should be home today. Oh… _don't_ tell me he goes to _work_ on his _day off_ too?"

……_If you spoke true _

_There would be no doubt _

_But the only words are_

'_We'll work it out'_

_Well, that's not saying much_

_You just don't take the time_

_And that is where I draw the line_……

"Err…… what is this? 'TO DUO'? Hey…since when did Heero start writing love letters? _Oi_! _Heero_! _If_ you are _home_, come on _out_… _Your_ Duo _desperately_ needs a kiss _right now_!"

……_Where do I turn_

_When you turn away_

_It's never just the things you say_

_You never ever put me down_

_But when I speak _

_You turn around _

_And saying not much_

_Is saying a lot_……

"…Guess he's really _not_ home then… (sigh) Heero, Heero, Heero. Where did you go when I need you?"

……_You're sending signals _

_First of hope and insecurity_

_Sing of the doubts are everywhere_

_And subconsciously_

_You know you wanna break the ties_

_But you use silence _

_You use lies_

_Don't worry_

_I'll return your song of silence_……

"…a love letter… Never have one before… bet he wouldn't be too upset if I read it? afterall it's addressed to me, ne? Hmm… okay, here goes… 'Dearest Duo, by the time you read this, I'll be long gone…' _WHAT THE HELL_!

**_Dearest Duo,_**

**_By the time you read this, I'll be long gone._**

_**I love you, Duo. Honto ni… Itsumo Aishiteru. Demo, I know I can't make you happy, so I left. I left so you can move on and have a better life than what we had.**_

**_I am sorry, Duo. For not being what you need. I wish I could give you what you want – a child of your own. But I'm not a woman, I don't have the necessary 'equipment' to bear a child… even for a perfect soldier, there's only so much I can do…_**

**_I know you have denied it before… telling me that an adopted child is still a child… is still 'your' child, because he will carry on everything that you were, are and will ever be, just like a child of your own blood. But I know it's not the same for you, I could see it in your eyes… _**

**_You told me it doesn't matter, so long we are together. But… it would always be there, standing between us. I know this – because I have seen you crying in Hilde's arms that night, drunk, griping and grumbling how unfair it was, that you couldn't even have a child. It wasn't that you couldn't, but because none of us were female. You kept going on and on; saying how you wish you have never fallen in love with a guy, saying how you wish you have fallen in love with Hilde instead, then you could have a child. Be it boy or girl, but you'll have a child of your own… _**

**_It has hurt… It hurt so much to know, that of everything I could have given you, I could never fulfill the one wish you want most…_**

**_I know you said it's alright. We are alright. But being with you for so long, how could I not see how much it pains you whenever we see a child comes running into its father's arms, screaming, giggling, calling 'daddy' over and over again?_**

**_I know you said you want to do something, being someone productive, that you ended up opening a company of your own, having to go on business meetings every so often… But you know what? I'm not blind, Duo, I can see you are using that as an excuse to get out of the house, to get away from me. So that you would not come to resent me, because you could never have a child because of me…_**

**_I know Hilde is in love with you, that she wouldn't mind being the mother of your child. She wouldn't even mind if it's just a one-night stand. But you have refused her, time and again, because you wouldn't betray me, you didn't want to jeopardize our love and hurt my feelings… even if you have to kill that one hope yourself…_**

**_Duo… I love you, and I thank you for what you did for me. I know how much it took for you to make that decision, how hard you have struggled between your want and our love… I don't want you to hate me; I don't want to see our love become something that smothers us, that smothers you… so I chose to leave you; I made that terrible decision for you, and I set you free._**

_**Please don't hate me, Duo, for taking the choice out of your hand; for not being strong enough to tell you my decision in person; for leaving our love behind, leaving you behind……**_

**_Sayonara, Koibito. Aishiteru, Zutto…_**

_**Live your life well. **_

_**Love you always,**_

_**Heero**_

"Oh god… Oh god… what have you done… what have you done, Heero… shit! Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit! The phone… the phone…… damnit, where's the phone! Okay… Wufei, Wufeiwufeiwufeiwufeiwufeiwufei, COME ON! Pick up the _goddamn_ phone!"

"HEERO!" "WUFEI!"

"MAXWELL?"

"FEI! _Where's_ Heero? Where is _he_? Fei, please tell me you know _where_ he is?"

"_Where the fuck were you, Maxwell?_ I've been looking for _you_ all over the place and I couldn't find _you_!"

"Fei. Fei, _please_! Yell at me all you want _later_… tell me you _see_ Heero? Please? _PLEASE_?"

"I don't know _where_ he is! I've been looking for him since his resignation!"

"_NANI_? _Resigned_? What do you _mean_ 'his resignation'?"

"It was just _that_! He resigned. He was injured in the last mission… Une wanted him to take leave until he _is_ better, he refused and resigned when Une threatened to take his badge if he wouldn't rest. He vanished after that. I was worried, and I've been looking for him since then… But I _couldn't_ find him _anywhere_!"

"Oh god… what have _you_ done, love? What _have_ you _done_?"

"Maxwell, _what's going on_? What _happened_ with _you two_? Heero _was_ thin and sick and absent-minded; you were lost out there _somewhere_ in the colonies… _what_ the hell is going on?"

"…I……I…… I need to find him, Fei… Talk to you later…"

"Maxwell! _Don't_ you _dare _hang up on me! _DON'T YOU_…"

"Oh god… what have _I_ done? …Heero…god…Heero…… Trowa! Trowa will know _where_ he is! …Trowa, Trowatrowatrowatrowatrowa…… TROWA!"

"Maxwell."

"Trowa! Did you -"

"…he is dead."

"- see Heero…_NANI?_"

"…Heero is dead."

"…no. No. Nononononononononono… you're _lying_! He's the _Perfect Soldier_! Hecan'tbe_DEAD_!"

"…he's only _human_. Human _dies_."

"NO! HE CAN'T! HE _PROMISED_! _HE_ PROMISED! HE _CAN'T_!"

"…I saw it myself. He had driven off a cliff and hit the water below. He called me once the deed was done and told me to watch over you. He had purposefully drowned himself. He said he couldn't live without you. That's the only way he could set you free. He called me, so somebody could find him, bring him back and send his body off to space…"

"NO! GOD _NO_! _HE CAN'T!_ **_HE CAN'T!_**"

"…he did. And Quatre's staffs have just located the body and the car…"

"_Nonononononono_…"

"…you _will_ live a _full life_, Maxwell! _Don't_ you _dare_ take the cowardly way out! _Don't_ you _dare_ _suicide_, you _hear_ me! _You owe him_!"

"…… (weeping)"

"…I'll be there in twenty minutes. You'll hold on to this call till I get there. You hear? ANSWER ME, SOLDIER, DO YOU _READ_ ME?"

"……yes…"

"…good… just stay where you are, I'll be there…"

tbc


	3. The SAD End

Check part one… too sleepy to repeat… ;p

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Ten years later…

AC210 –

"Today's morning news headline: the founder of M-Y Enterprise, Mr Duo Maxwell, was found dead in his apartment this morning………

owari


	4. The HAPPY End

Check part one… too sleepy to repeat… ;p

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Ten years later…

AC210 –

"… (hic)…Tro (hic)…Trowa?"

"Duo."

"…I (hic)…I can't (hic)…I can't do (hic) do this anymore…(hic)…I want (hic)…I want to (hic) I want to diiiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (hic)…please…(hic)…please let me… (hic)… please let me do it…(hic)…I can't…(hic)…I can't take it (hic) anymore…(hic)…"

"…today is a really bad day, is it?"

"…Yea(hic)…yessshh…(hic)…"

"Where are you now?"

"…Bed(hic)bedroom…(hic)…let me? (hic)…"

"No. I'll be there in thirty minutes. You'll stay where you are, touch nothing, eat nothing, drink nothing until I get there. If you have cut yourself already, I want you to apply first aid as soon as I hang up. You'll be alive and well when I get there. No blood, no nothing. Or I'll kick you _right_ into the hospital with a straight jacket for the _rest_ of your life. Is that _clear_?"

"…cr(hic)crystal…(hic)"

"Then _get on _with it, _soldier_. See you in thirty minutes."

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AC210 – thirty minutes later…

"Duo?"

"……"

"DUO MAXWELL!"

"INNNN THE BEEEEDD ROOOOOOOOOOM, SIRRRR!"

"Get the hell outta there and into the living room."

"NOOOOOOOOO SIRRRR! ORRRDDDEEERRR REFUUSSSSEEEED SIRRRR!"

"Get _out_ or the _hospital_!"

"Fineeeeeeee. Youuuuuuuu arrrrreeeeee theeee bosssssssss. (hic)"

thud+

"…Trowa? What's that noise?"

"…Heero? ……Heero!"

"…umm, Trowa? Where are you?"

"…HEERO+crash+"

"…umm…I'm sorry, but… who are you?"

"…(muffled)Heero……Heero, you are alive…you are alive…Heero…(sob)"

"…umm…Trowa? Annta wa Doko?"

"…(muffled)Heero…Heero…I miss you so much…Heero…"

"…umm… Gomen nasai, Demo, how do you know my name?"

"He has known you since _before_ the accident, Heero."

"Oh…" "_What_? Trowa, what…"

"Heero has been in a coma for a few years. He has lost his eyesight, his memory and his mobility. He has worked _very_ hard to become what he is now. So if _you_ don't mind, please relax your grip _before_ you break him."

"What… _why_ didn't you _tell_ me, Trowa? _Why_?"

"Your punishment. That, and Heero needs time to get his life back. Here, 'ro… your water."

"Arigatou. …umm…should I…I mean…"

"It's alright, Heero. You said you want to know what your life was like _before_, so I brought you here. This drunkard here _used to be_ your lover. _He_ can tell you _more_ about your _private_ life together than I ever could. Do you want to stay over for a day?"

"…oh. Oh… umm… err… umm… I'm… I mean, I'm homosex… I'm gay?"

"You've a _male_ lover, Heero… So yes, I _believe_ that means you _are_ gay."

"…Oh."

"…Hee (cough) Heero? Please… please say yes? IpromiseIwon'tmolestyouoranythingandI'llsendyouhomeifyouwantto…"

"…umm… Gomen… could you…"

"What he _meant_ to say is he won't molest you and he'll send you back to me whenever you want, Heero. What do _you_ want to do?"

"…oh. Umm… the med.?"

"I've brought them along, just in case. So whatever you want is fine."

"Oh… maybe… maybe just for _today_?"

"Great, I'll be back for you tomorrow then. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to show this drunkard about your medication and make sure you survive the day without any complications. To the _kitchen_, Maxwell."

"…but Heero…I…"

"He is _not_ going anywhere, Maxwell. _Kitchen_. _NOW_. _Or Else_."

"………"

Crashhhhhhhhhhhh+

"Trowa? What's going on in there?"

"Nothing, Heero, the drunkard here just tripped over his own feet! Go listen to your disc player, we won't be long."

"Oh, okay."

…………

"Now, _you_ listen to _me_, and listen _well_, Maxwell. _This_ is your _last_ chance. I brought him here for _his_ sake. _Not_ yours. I'll _never_ forgive you for what _you_ did to _him_. But he _couldn't_ forget you. Not _even_ when he has _lost_ his own identity, he _remembered_ your eyes. _You_ will love_ him _like the _very_ air you _breathe_, and the _life-giving _water you _drink_. You will _not_ break his heart _this_ time around. You _break_ his heart, and_ I'll_ break _your_ bone piece by _fucking_ piece, _tear_ out all your intestines with a _wooden_ spoon and _feed_ you to my lions in a _bloody_ stew. _Do We Understand Each Other_?"

"……per…perfectly…"

"Good, and I want a happy ever after if Heero decides to stay with you after today… now, the med……

owari


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